The last 2 days God has definitely been letting me know (in his usual humorous ways) that since I asked him to be in control, I need to let him. Last night it was a book mark. I have this magnetic bookmark that i use in my daily reading Bible that has a frog on it. I like it because I read a story once of a person who pointed out that F.R.O.G. stood for Fully Rely On God, something I need to remember more often. Anyway last night I was closing up my Bible and reached for my bookmark. It wasn't there. So I started searching, all over my bed, in the covers, in the kitchen, living room bathroom, and both computer desks. I could not find it anywhere. So I decided to just go to sleep and look again in the morning. I lay back on my pillows and looked up. There on the air conditioning register in the ceiling, was my frog book mark. My son admitted this morning that he put it up there just playing around because it would stick. Leave it to the home-schooled kid.
This morning I was praying about the difficulty my husband and I have been having during this deployment feeling like we are connected. I told God "I give it to you because I can't figure out what to do." I called my husband to just apologize for handing the phone off yesterday. He had called to talk to me, I thought he had called to talk to our oldest who is struggling with a breakup. I didn't want him to feel like I was avoiding him. Anyway, when I called he answered, said he said he had gone to bed early because he had a big run in the morning. Now to the rational part of my brain, okay go get some rest so I hung up. Then this overwhelming fear and panic set in and took my thoughts and heart down a dark road to a place I didn't need to go. So in my panic I tried to call him back. First attempt: the cell phone completely froze. Okay take the battery out, try again. Second attempt: Ring, Ring, 'The number you have dialed has been disconnected'. Crap, dialed it wrong, try again. Third attempt: checked the dialing, yep thats okay, send. Ring Ring, 'The number you have dialed has been disconnected'. The only way it could have been more clear was God himself saying out loud "Hey, you gave this to me right? THEN LET ME HANDLE IT!!" So I let it go, called my friend and talked thru the moment. (Thanks Shell!) Since I was laying on my bed, I turned over to finish reading the Bible passage I had started before all this. Psalm 32 was where the Bible was open to, so I read it. Verse 9 really stood out.
Psalm 32:9 (NASB): "Do not be as the horse or the mule which have no understanding, whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check..."
So God blatantly told me I was being as stubborn as a mule. Now since I have an odd sense of humor I'm learning that God loves to use that to get his message across. So with that verse in mind, I will be working hard to keep Him from having to yank my lead too often.
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