Once Upon A Time

I was sitting here tonight watching the marathon of a tv show including fairy tale characters trapped in the real world. I kind of wondered why this show would be kept on even though the premise was a little cheesy. Then came the kiss of true love that allowed the curse to be broken...This time it was a mothers love for her son. It was a neat twist.

But when the 'princess' reconnects with her prince charming it was her line that made me realize how the show stayed on. She looks at him and says "you found me" His reply "did you expect me to stop looking?" At the heart of every little girl all grown up is a princess who wants to be searched for, dragons slayed for, impossible quests completed for so that she knows that regardless of how hard things get her prince charming will do what it takes to find her and love her.

For fathers out there if you have little girls, be the man you want them to marry. If you have little boys, be the husband you want them to be. Show them by treating your wife like the princess she still has hiding in her heart. Mothers be the princess that deserves to be pursued not locked into a tower. Your daughters will become who you are and your sons will find a wife that treats them like you treat your husband. Make sure that they have a healthy example to follow.

You physically hurt when true love dies and it can be devastating when it is killed. Guard your relationships by not excluding God. Have a common focus and the tough times will be fought together.

Its been a while.

There was a brief time when I was working hard to give my worries and burdens to God. The pressure build up could be released thru prayer and I could face the next challenge. Then my husbands mid-tour brought more pain and disappointment than I was prepared for, honestly I wasn't prepared at all for disappointment. I then proceeded to allow the hurt to build and every little accumulated offense build up. He has now been home for a little over 6 months and well things have just gotten worse.

Every event that accumulated during his deployment is justified by him as just my imagination and he is void of all wrong doing. I have asked for couples counseling but to no avail because I am the only one with a problem. I can say right now if I were financially on my own two feet I would consider walking. But how do you explain to the kids that Daddy just quit loving mommy because she was just to difficult?

I need to refocus and renew my reliance on God. The burden gets bigger and darker daily. The feeling that the entire world would function better without the stress of me is present daily now. But it would be unfair to my kids to carry the burden that their mother was a coward and would be scarred by a selfish act. Ironically one of my friends pointed out that I was the only person she knew of that valued others so much more than I valued myself that suicide wasn't an option because it would inconvenience someone else. I know that its not an option because it totally goes against everything I believe down deep inside but I can truly understand how some people succumb to the lure of leaving the pain behind.

A new phase

So my husband came home from Korea and the adjustment is strange. I haven't figured out yet where we are headed or how it will turn out. I am still feeling as if I am to blame for all miseries that go on in this household. I struggle with the suspicions of another affair and with his lack of respect or consideration for the hurt that has been building up. Why can't he see his contribution to my hurt?